truth or lie
by bookstvnerdlove
Summary: follow up to 'crash'. second kiss, or daryl dixon provides some truths.


**disclaimer: i own nothing**

_a/n: this a follow up to my fic 'crash'. it's an attempt to get into Daryl Dixon's head, because he is very hard to get to know. it's not my only headcanon for him, but it's one of them. _

The first few times she does it, he is oblivious to her game. She picks up the basics of shooting quickly, but he figures it has to be tough to learn the exact precise way to hold the crossbow for maximum accuracy. He grew up with grown ass men who could never get it to work and here she is just a slight thing.

(Though if he's honest with himself, he watches her when she forages for food, and when she cooks, and when she holds baby Judith. He sees the strength in her compact muscles, deceptively small but as strong as her heart.)

When he finally figures it out (It only takes three times before he _knows _for sure) he tries not to give in to her flirtatious request. But in the end, he can't lie to himself about how much he wants to just be _near _her.

He and Merle used to play this game with each other in the world of _before. _They'd ask each other, "Truth or lie?" after telling a story and the other had to guess. There was never a prize for winning or a punishment for losing (other than Merle calling him a dumb shit if he guessed wrong, which he always did anyway) but they played it to erase the monotony that came from knowing the inescapable trajectory of your life from an early age.

The game started back when they were little kids and their no good Daddy was around. They tried to figure out his moods and whether or not he was mad, even when he said he wasn't in that quiet, even voice (and how long it would take for him to start trouble, which always ended up being sooner than they wanted.)

With his Momma long gone, and who knows how useless Daddy fared in the world of _after_, and Merle a fresh wound, he still likes to play the game as some kind of tether to _before_. He doesn't have much about his old life to miss, but he sometimes thinks about those summers at the swimming hole when he was just a gangly-limbed kid. And he remembers how Merle told some outlandish stories one year about stealing beers from their neighbor and riding his bike alongside the train tracks, when the regular freight rolled through town. Those were the days when he most wanted to be like his big brother, so loud that he was never _ignored._

One day Merle told him about his first blow job from Susie down the lane. And he said to Merle, "lie," cause he was only eight at the time and Merle was fourteen and he just didn't _understand_. But Merle just had this weird blankness in his eyes and said, "You dumb shit" with a tight smile before he pushed him into the water. (He remembers how later that night was the only time that Merle said, "Sorry for calling you a dumb shit today," and he never knew what that meant. _Truth or lie_? It didn't really matter because soon after Merle was gone for good and the game died.)

So even though he tries not to be too much of a liar, he starts playing the old game with himself, since he's the only one left to call it out. It usually happens whenever he thinks about her. The first time she kisses him (lie, he leaned in as much as she did), he swears he's not going to do it again. (Intentions count as truth, even if he doesn't follow through.)

He's never kissed a girl sober before. He was always drunk or stoned or both. He would get bored with his asshole friends in the trailer and would go out back to wander around and escape the smoke and the booze and the monotony. And it always happened that some girl would follow him, thinking that there were some Deep Thoughts behind his silence. But back then there never were. He tried not to think too much about his life and what would happen next, because all he saw when he tried was _nothing_. So he would kiss these girls, or let them kiss him, and they'd go into the woods and sometimes do more, but he never really felt much of anything. (Truth.)

He feels things with Beth. (Truth.)

Some days he tries to avoid her because he knows that in the time of _before _all people would see is just how young she is and how old he is, and they would tell him he was dirty and wrong and _twisted. _(Truth.)

But in the here and now, he knows that life is what you can grab before it all goes to shit, and the only thing that matters is the string that ties two people together. (Lie, there are still some people who will care.)

He doesn't care what the group thinks. (Lie, again. He cares what Rick thinks.)

The second time they kiss, it's completely on purpose, but he lets her think it's her idea. He grabs her after she's done feeding Judith one afternoon and says, "Time to hunt." He knows that she's confused, because another group already went out in the morning. But when she starts to protest, he just grabs her chin, making sure her eyes meet his and says, "Let's go."

When he hands her the crossbow again, he knows exactly what she's going to do. So when she does it, makes her shoulder drop just enough that her aim will be completely off, he walks up behind her to fix her posture. Once he does that, he doesn't step back like usual. He leans his head into the smooth slope of her neck and just nudges her, so slightly that he's not sure if she can feel it, until he notices the the gentle shaking of her arm.

He shifts his hand from her shoulder to the smooth skin of her cheek and he guides her so she facing him, the crossbow forgotten at her side, This time, it doesn't start with an awkward clash of lips, but instead a soft pressure that awakens the nerves until they're so wrapped up in each other. Her lips open, her tongue teasing his, just a bit, until he's groaning for more.

He backs her into the nearest tree and, after he places the weapon softly on the ground beside them, cradles her face in his hands. He whispers, maybe a bit harshly because his heart feels like it's about to burst out of his chest, "I can't stop it." She responds, "Neither can I." (Truth.)


End file.
